Awkward Stories by awkward_matt

Congratulations to baldfatguy for winning another Awkward Turtle shirt from conchtees.com! He has proven once again that he is one of the most awkward people on the Internet. =)

We only received four submissions last week! We need a least 6 from 6 different people in order to call the contest. Now's your chance to get in on the action. Post your story before next Saturday at midnight New York Time.

Welcome to the new AwkwardTurtle.com! The entire backend has been redesigned to handle to large socially driven load of the site. So start posting your awkward stories, and don't forget to let your friends know so they can come vote for you! We are giving away an American Apparel "Awkward Turtle" t-shirt from ConchTees.com. You know you want it!

We didn't get enough entries last week to call the contest! We've extended the contest until May 21st, so you have plenty of time to get your stories in!

Still accepting submissions! We didn't get enough unique entries this past week to call the contest. The contest has been extended until next Saturday as a result. Still time for getting the vote out!

Congratulations to @OneDirectionGB for winning an Awkward Turtle t-shirt from ConchTees.com!

I haven't shared a story of my own in a while. Today, I ordered a caramel macchiato from the local coffee shop. The guy asked me if I wanted it like how Starbucks makes it. I said, "I have no clue what you mean." (I did, however, notice that the price was kinda cheap for what I was expecting.) Ultimately, they made a "real" macchiato which was basically just a shot. I stared at it for a sec, and my face started to turn red from not knowing that all this time, I hadn't been getting real macchiatos at Starbucks. The guy figured me out and said, "Let me just make that like Starbucks does for ya." I promptly agreed and couldn't wait to get out of there.

Can you spot the Awkward Turtle shirt in this hilarious video from SickPuppy? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTAKKTfk7Kc

Check out the new Awkward Turtle shirt making an appearance in this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MctlSEKklY

Congratulations to Benjamin_Hills for winning last week's contest with his fantastically awkward and inadvertent accomplishment of destroying a primary school classroom.

System Update: AwkwardTurtle.me has new guts! We've added some features and tweaked a few things. For instance, you can now report a bad story using the "Report This!" link below each comment box. Should see some overall performance enhancements as well. You can now also reach us at awkwardturtle.com.

Congratulations to @Kabir_Daljeet and @Neenerzz for winning this past week's shirts. Both were fighting for the lead at midnight, and due to a leftover Daylight Saving Time server glitch, voting went past midnight. (The bug has since been corrected.) So, both of them win! @Kabir_Daljeet's one-armed girl story and @Neenerzz unfortunate exotic dancer story certainly rivaled each other for awkwardness. I'll be getting in touch with you two soon. Meanwhile, pick out your awkward turtle t-shirt size at Conch Tees.

Congratulations to @CassiEdward for totally dissing this girl at school and being overheard by said girl so that everyone was sufficiently uncomfortable. Definitely a worthy awkward turtle moment.

Mid-week reminder to get those stories in. Very light week this week! Your chances of winning are higher than last week!

Congratulations to @ROJANlovesyou for winning last week's t-shirt. (She is the bus farter.) I also forgot to congratulate the winner from TWO weeks ago, @Livicat (aka @devalixx on twitter) for her rampant frog hiccups.

Sorry, everyone. Looks like something is causing double posts of stories and comments. I'm looking into it. Should have it fixed shortly. Meanwhile, feel free to submit. I'll just correct problems as they arise.

Ok, I think I fixed the issues with the site. Please post away! You shouldn't have any problems now.

http://conchtees.com Just wanted to remind everyone that ConchTees.com is donating 10% of its sales in February to help the children of Haiti. So if you are into funny t-shirts you should check them out and help a good cause while you're at it.

Congratulations to @Sam_Robson (aka @SamRobson on Twitter) for winning last week's t-shirt! All she had to do was spend an entire day flashing everyone. Full story at http://awkwardturtle.me/story/156/i-took-a-statistics-for-psychology-midterm-last-semester-an

Just wanted to let everyone know that ConchTees.com is donating 10% of their sales to Unicef to go toward relief in Haiti until the end of February. If you want a shirt but don't think you'll win, go grab one and help out a good cause. Get your Awkward Turtle shirt or any funny t-shirt.

Congratulations to @Shamu__Wamu for winning last week's $60 in iTunes! She has shown us that life's most awkward moments can turn into free music if you only care to share your story.

Heading into the final stretch for the week. Now's the time to get all your friends to come vote for your story! Or, if you think you can top this week's entries, snipe a victory eBay-style! Maybe you can convince your friends to vote by promising them some of your iTunes cred if you win. =)

This week, win $60 in iTunes!! That's right. Buy whatever your heart desires from the iTunes store with $60 in credit. Ladies and gentlemen, start your posting!

Congratulations to @Ace_Cone for winning last week's Hugo CD. Apparently you the voters preferred the embarrassment from used broccoli over faceplants. =)

I just realized I kept referring to last week's winner, @jamieleam, as @jamielam (without the second "e") by mistake. Now there is probably some confused twitterer out there wondering why she didn't get the t-shirt I kept telling her she won! Awkward...

Congratulations to @jamielam for winning last week's Awkward Turtle t-shirt provided by ConchTees.com. The final score was a dead tie, so according to the rules, whoever posted first won, which happened to be @jamielam by a mere 45 minutes!

Kicking off the new week's contest. Congratulations to Jailyn_Parnell for winning last week's t-shirts!

To get the party started, I'll let you in on a little story that happened to me the other day. (Don't worry, this story won't be eligible to win.) So, I really wanted a fog-less shaving mirror for the shower for Christmas. Every present I opened, I said, "I wonder if this could be my fog-less shaving mirror for the shower!" They were all cool presents, but none were ever my fog-less shaving mirror for the shower. My wife gave me a pretty sad look after it was all over as if I had destroyed her gift-giving spirit. Awkward...